Funny dating contract The Dating Contract

Funny dating contract

No unreasonable demands or expectations will be made; both parties agree they have no "rights" or "holds" on the other's funny dating contract.

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For the first sixty 60 days both parties agree not to use the phrase "I love you. Further, during the first six 6 weeks each member of said relationship agrees to attempt at least one spontaneous "home cooked meal" and will arrange the delivery of at least one unexpected bouquet of flowers.

Any of the following will be grounds for immediate termination and final dissolution of said relationship: Should said relationship proceed past the first "fix-up" both parties mutually agree to use the following terminology in describing their said "dating": For the first thirty 30 days both parties agree not to ask questions about the others whereabouts on weekends, weeknights, or over long holiday periods.

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For the first thirty 30 days both members of the couple agree to be overly considerate of the other's work pressures, schedules, and business ambitions. Further, it is agreed that both sides will attempt to silence the lewd remarks of landlords, or roommates. Following the first six weeks or forty-five 45 days, if one party continues to be "missing in action" without explanation, the "wounded party" agrees to "give up.

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Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison colloquially referred to as the "matchmaker" blameless in the event the "fix-up" turns out to be a "real loser" or "psycho bitch. Following the first forty- five 45 days both parties will return to their normal personalities.

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Additionally, both will avoid having their mother call at 7: Should said relationship progress to the point where the couple spends more then five nights a week together, every effort shall be made to split the time between their respective apartments. For the funny dating contract thirty 30 days both parties consent to say they are "going out.

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By the same token, she agrees to respect his right to keep his apartment "a mess. At the time of breakup each party reserves the right to make the other feel guilty by using one or all of the following phrases: For the first three months, each member of the couple agrees to hold the other blameless in the euphoric use of phrases like "Let's move in together," "Why don't we start a family?

After the initial breakup - no matter what - both parties agree to give the relationship "one more shot. Failure by one party to abide by this rule will result in the other party using the "G" word.

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Further, if both members of the party consent, this timetable may be accelerated; however, if either party "gets too serious" and disregards this schedule, the other party may dissolve the relationship on the grounds of "moving too fast" and may once again be said to be "on the market. Following the first thirty 30 days said parties may say they are "seeing somebody" and may be referred to by third parties as "an item.

It is agreed that - respective gross income aside - "he" will pick up the tab at all dinners, clubs, theaters, and breakfasts until: Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere. He agrees to "pick up after himself" while in residence at her apartment, including washing his whiskers out of the sink, and assisting with household duties.